Spinning...spinning...

I promised myself in this blog that I would be really honest and I wouldn't apologize for my thoughts and feelings, so here goes.
2 Years ago my sweet baby Sophia came home and really truly life as I knew it changed. She has brought so much true joy into my life. Her innocent smile and laugh make my heart feel this fullness that I've never experienced before. However, I also stopped working a full time job. I've had some sort of job since I was 12 whether cleaning out horse stalls or out and about working as a translator, so not working outside of the house has been a real challenge to me! I love staying home with Sophia but I miss working and having something to pour myself into. I can pour myself into my family, my house, even my running but I miss other types of challenges too and let's be really honest I miss earning some money! There are probably 10 jobs that I would love to do or 10 master programs that are interesting to me. Sometimes I feel like I'm spinning and searching. Sometimes I feel totally not so centered. I know I've been honest with you about having ADD and it's interesting how even as an adult it affects my daily life. So I think even that is part of thinking, spinning, searching feeling that I have sometimes. Anyway, I am on a search. I am trying to figure out what I WANT to do, what is interesting to me, what makes me feel alive, what would make me fulfiilled. I'm not at a point in my life where I just want to settle for some random career. So that is what I'm working. I'm trying to narrow it down to 3. I would love any suggestions you have too.
Don't settle. Keep dreaming. Keep believing. Don't make excuses. If you have something you want to do, learn, or experience find a way. Make a plan. Honestly, don't wait till tomorrow. Don't wait till you have enough money or time. Stop spinning, sit down with yourself, sit down with your life, let yourself dream. What do you love to do? Why aren't you doing it?

you can make difference.

I mean it, honestly and sincerely. Sometimes I'm in my bed and I start thinking of the people in the world that are truly starving or shivering in that very moment and my heart is broken into a million pieces. We have so much to be thankful for. The hot water that runs out of the faucet, the cabinets full of food, the closet bursting--literally of clothes. We have so much. The very clean air that you are breathing right now is a true gift.
So what do we do? When we imagine the people hurting, cold, lonely all over the world it is overwhelming. I also think of the people I read about that are neighborhood heroes, or world heroes and I think how do they do it? How do they have the means or the time??? I admire those people who say, I'm not going to let one more day go by, today I'm going to make a difference.

Kindness. We--all of us are going through tough times, it seems every check that comes in goes out. So kindness is a wonderful way to make a difference. How can you be kind today? Smile at someone at the bank, the drive through, or a stranger walking down the street. Say Thank you if you see someone cleaning a public bathroom. Have extra food from a meal, give it to someone as you come out of the restaurant who may not have a meal. Kindness can be so simple and so powerful.

This holiday season I hear a lot about toy drives, coat drives, ect, ect, ect...which are amazing and I'm so thankful there will be toys and warm coats for those who with out these drives would have nothing. I am so thankful, they will have their Christmas. What happens after though?

Right now I am working on a small project to help those in need after the Holidays. I want to make a difference. I may not have much but my 'not much' is a lot more than some of the people have who live right in my city. It's still in the works, but I want to make difference.

We don't have to be a neighborhood or world hero with huge acts to make a difference, but we can be a house hero simply by loving the people closest to us, like our family and working our way out to our neighbors and community.

** other small acts of kindness
buy a coffee or hot chocolate for the people who ring the salvation army bells at the mall
bake cookies and give them to your neighbor
call a friend you haven't talked to in awhile to say hello
tell your family why you appreciate them

small acts, make a difference. go ahead, make a difference and at the end of the day when you're in your bed, smile knowing you've accomplished something wonderful, you've given the gift of kindness.

Active waiting.

If you around me enough, you'll find out pretty fast I love to plan. The first thing I do when I open my eyes in the morning is give thanks for a new day and then start planning what I need to get done. I need the order. I love to put order to things. You do this first, you do that second, and then you can do this ect.

So what happens when we can't make a plan or we can make the plan but we can't actually get the plan in action. Talk about frustrating. This is for sure one thing I have struggled with and continue to struggle with through out my life. It is very hard to be in the 'waiting room' as I like to call it. Waiting to see what the future brings, wanting to plan but knowing right now, where I am, what I am doing is exactly where I need to be and I'm doing exactly what I need to be doing. Henry Nouwen says in one of his books that treasure we are looking for is buried right in the ground that we stand on. Right here. Right where I am, this is where my treasure is. It is hard for me to not plan and I'm not encouraging anyone to sit around with there arms crossed or twiddeling their thumbs but when you feel like you stuck in the 'waiting room' I encourage you to start digging into your own life, your own soul and your own surroundings to find all of the amazing things happening in your life even while you are waiting. Sometimes we want to bang on the walls, sometimes we want stamp our feet, sometimes we pace back and forth muttering to ourselves. We are completely unaware of our surroundings, the people around us, the opportunities that might be right in front of us. We are so focused on what we can't do, have or be that that we forget, we lose sight, we become blind to what we have going on for us in there and the now. I know it's hard, trust me. I have been in the waiting room many times. But your time will come. Your dreams will come true. Your plans may or may not come to pass but there may be a better plan, a more beautiful, awe inspiring, life giving plan. So dig deep, stop pacing and start looking around. You are blessed and your life is full of wonderful things. Enjoy them because maybe tomorrow you won't have them or maybe you will, whatever the case may be look around enjoy and be thankful. Continue to dream, always hope and Enjoy your life right now, there is always a reason to give thanks.

no secret

It is no secret that we women are complicated creatures! We feel happy when it is sunny,when then sun goes behind the clouds for a moment we are sad but then it comes back a minute later and we are ok once again. We feel very deeply. We cry when we see a sad commercial on the tv, we jump up and down literally when a friend tells us they are getting married, we get angry, we get frustrated, we get everything really. We are tough and we are sensitive. We are every oxymoron in the book. We can be so kind and generous and lets be honest we can be bitchy too. We can be nasty and we can be absolutely selfless. We sincerely wonder why men don't get us. Why did he say that when he knows my friend has a friend who had the same thing happen to her? Why did he buy that when I hinted 3 months that I wanted this. We are sometimes clueless but we are incredibly in tune to every interest, tension, and gesture happening in the room. We listen, we care, we want is best for our loved ones. We have big dreams. We are intelligent. We do not give up easily when we really want something, especially things like ice cream, shoes, and sun glasses. We are jealous and protective. Why does she say your name like that? Like what? Like all high piched and flirty...She does?

Men, I write this for you, so you know, so the next time she bursts into tears because she sees the cute commercial, the one with puppies and toilet paper, you can just hold her hand or laugh to yourself but you'll understand, you'll get it. Women I write this for you so you can laugh too, relax, and no matter how crazy you may feel like you are sometimes, there is another woman out there even crazier than you.
Be who you are, love who you are, you are amazing.

a window....

I sit in the 4th seat to back in the 3rd row, I hear the clock ticking, the person 2 seats over has had the sniffles for days, there are sirens outside, the teacher is talking about angles, I think anyway...I am excited for soccer practice, did I remember shin gards? I hope so...Someone starts nervously shaking their leg one seat in front of me the left. why are they nervous? why do they do that? now the teacher is measuring. I ask the person next to me what number we are on. The teacher looks over her shoulder to see why we are talking. I make a face and pretend like I'm focused. I wonder what we'll have for dinner, and if I'll have time to do my homework after lunch. Most kids like to play during lunch, I'd rather get my work done. The clock is ticking, ticking. It is so annoying to me. Why do they have to tick. 5 more minutes till I'm free. The teacher is calling on me, I have no clue what number we are on, or where we are or what we are doing. I squirm. I look down into my paper begging for it to tell me where we are on the page. My friend next to me says 16. I make a wild guess of 45' but its really 90 and its obvious but I have no clue. She calls on someone else. thank god. It is everything and it is nothing that catch my attention. I want to keep up, I want to be like her or like him. I want to be there too. ok, thats it for today. I write down the homework, I check it three times to make sure its right. I pack up. I leave. I breathe.

Sometimes you just have to say no thank you!

I heard that quote from Hiedi Klum on some interview. She was talking about how she has the body she has with 3 kids. She was saying its tough always being on the go, with meetings, photo shoots, traveling, family, ect. I agree with her, sometimes you just have to say no. You have to make the decision to make better choices.

I am going to keep this simple, I am going to offer 10 easy choices for you if you want to maintain your weight, lose weight, or just not gain weight in general!

1. Avoid drinking coffee, juice, soda and keep alcohol in moderation. These drinks all have a lot of added calories and sugar. Try to stick to water, milk and or all natural fresh squeezed juices.

2. Don't leave candy dishes out on the counter. It is so easy every time you walk by to grab a piece of candy and before you know it, you'v finished the bowl.

3. Avoid the frozen food aisle at the grocery store, anything you see there, you can make from scratch and a lot healthier.

4. start moving more! run or walk up down your stairs, buy a jump rope, take a walk at lunch, lift 2-5 lbs weights, you can use cans for weights if you don't have weights. If you can find the time to work out 20-30 minutes 3-4 days a week you will see a major difference. They keys are discipline and being consistent. Find a schedule that works for you and take it week by week. Make goals that are attainable.

5. don't snack while you cook. You snack and then you eat a meal, its too much! If you are really hungry grab some carrots or celery to eat while you cook.

6. When you feel like you are starving and want to eat everything in sight, make yourself a quick snack, like an apple with a little bit of peanut butter or grab a granola bar. Sitting in front of the fridge eating everything is a bad idea.

7. Eat!!!! Don't skip meals, don't starve yourself. Eat a good breakfast, have a small healthy snack like carrots, apple, nuts, have lunch, another small snack, and dinner and maybe even a little dessert. Starving yourself or skipping meals will only make you want to pig out later in the day.

8. Find balance, between eating, sleeping, working, working out, and family. There is a lot to do in 24 hours.

9. Sleep is really important, when we don't sleep enough we start to crave foods and drinks that will pick us up and give us energy.

10. No thank you. It may be hard to pass up that piece of pie or french fry but its good for you, you'll be so proud of yourself and happier too.

I think we focus a lot on how much we weigh or how we look in our clothes but being healthy too is more than just about you. Its about being healthy for the people you love in your life too. Staying healthy for your own kids and someday your grand kids. Its being an example to your mom and dad, brothers, sisters, friends and family! It isn't all about the numbers on the scale. Its about living full, balanced, satisfied, healthy life.


I am not expert but I am striving for balance in my own life. These are just some ideas that I have! I'd love to hear any ideas anyone else has too!!!